Total Pageviews

Sunday 28 October 2012

Working with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) – How to Stop the Clocks Going Back from Controlling your Mood.




Studies in the UK show that up to 25% of people are affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), with about a quarter of that group suffering it badly.  The problem is worst in the Autumn and Winter months, especially after the clocks go back.  2012 has been a very rainy and overcast year so the problem will probably be worse than normal.  

As society has moved away from jobs that are outside in the sunlight the incidence of SAD has risen.  The problem is caused by a serotonin deficiency due to there being less light entering the eye.  Although people who suffer it can feel things getting marginally worse, it can often just hit them all of a sudden. It can feel a bit like Summer one day and Winter the next.  SAD can badly hamper a sufferer’s ability to cope on a day to day basis. It causes a variety of problems such as depression, eating and sleep problems, anxiety, poor concentration, low libido, a weakened immune system, mood swings, social difficulty, tiredness and a variety of behavioural and physical problems.  If you tend to suffer from mood swings or lowness anyway, then SAD is only going to make things worse.

There is a positive side to this - there are ways that you can help to overcome SAD, otherwise known as “The Winter Blues.”

1.      Finding Time with Loved Ones and Pets
If you have people in your life that make you feel happy, bring you some joy, relax you or make you laugh, then you should try to spend more time with them when you are suffering from SAD.  Pets are also great for making us feel better at any time but particularly when we feel bluesy. 

2.      Listen to Uplifting Music
Cheerful music can really raise your mood and make you more open to life.  Singing along to jangly pop songs in the car or to songs that you associate with happy moments in your life can have a marvellous mood enhancing affect.  For some people, classical music can be very de-stressing – even if they would not normally choose it.

3.      Go to a Counsellor
Talking about your issues with an experienced counsellor can be a tremendous release and they will be able to help you look at and find options for dealing with it.  I use many different strategies for helping people deal with depression and low mood.  It is also likely that there are other issues behind the SAD, and that these make the emotional lowness worse.  I can help you to explore that and support you in working through it.

4.      Get Better Sleep
It is not surprising that poor sleep can affect us badly.  I have written a previous article about ways to help with better sleep and can certainly work with you on this.  If you manage to sleep better you will find that the symptoms of SAD are reduced.

5.      Light Therapy
Lack of light is said to be the basic cause of the problem, so experts have suggested that additional light is also the cure. You can buy special light boxes which can boost serotonin levels and it may be a good idea to simply spend more time outside.  If it’s raining this may not seem very pleasant, but even poor outdoor light is better than no outdoor light.

6.      Make a Diet Change
Diet can get out of balance very quickly, particularly in the winter months and the festive season, when we might over-indulge a bit more for celebration or comfort.  Sugary, spicy or fatty foods can be very bad whilst raw and wholemeal foods and foods containing lots of vitamins and minerals can be very good.  Some herbal teas are excellent for mood and health – these include chamomile, spearmint and peppermint.

7.      Exercise More and Maintain Your Sex Life
Exercise is a good way of boosting your mood – in the short term, at least - as it releases endorphins and gets your heart pumping.  Dancing is particularly good for mood lifting as it can feel joyous, and swimming helps you to feel spiritually and physically supported.  A walk in nature can connect us to something outside of ourselves.  It is no surprise that regular sex can help you to feel better.  SAD can lower your libido and make you feel very unsexual, but you may be surprised that going ahead and having it anyway will boost your endorphins, release some tension and help you to feel connected to someone, more alive and loved.

8.      Consider Alternative Therapies
Massage, acupuncture and EFT (tapping) can be good for helping with a brighter mood.  Some aromatherapy oils such as Bergamot and Neroli can create an uplifting atmosphere whether you burn them or put a few drops in the bath. 

If you are suffering from SAD this Autumn and Winter, don’t wait until it gets really bad.  Try one of the above options to help you through it.

David is a fully qualified and BACP registered Counsellor.  If you wish to book a session to help you with SAD or another issue in your life, you can book a face to face, telephone, email or skype session with him by ringing 07578 100256 or emailing him at David@eastcheshirecounselling.com.  You can also follow him on Twitter as Contented Counsellor at: https://twitter.com/SeddonDavid


Monday 22 October 2012

Managing Grief




We try to tell ourselves that death only happens to other people, other families and other sets of friends, but we know deep down that we are not immune from it.  Alas, death has become the great taboo of modern life.  The Victorians were fascinated by and happy to discuss death but sex was a huge taboo to them.  Today it’s the other way around.  The present avoidance might have something to do with the fact that the media likes to push images of youth and vitality at us and also the decline of organised religion.

Each of us will have to deal with the death of someone we love and it goes without saying that this is a very hard thing to do.  For me, not too long ago, it was my father.   He was dearly loved and his loss came at a bad time – a time when I was looking forward to spending much more time with him after moving house to an area much closer to him.  I still find his loss difficult, but I have managed to adjust to it.

Issues that Face Bereaved People

Coming to terms with grief and allowing time for it is an important though difficult task.  To partly describe and outline the experience of grief, the Dual Process Model was formulated a decade or so ago.  It says that those suffering the loss of a loved one need to engage in two separate tasks: dealing with loss and restoring life.  This means that to deal with grief in the best way, a person needs both to work through the pain of the loss, letting  the emotions be felt; and also to start to move on and rebuild their life.  If only one of the two tasks is attempted, there can be great vulnerability.  So, people who try to bury their grief and move on with life are likely to find that the grief seeps out and that they feel a variety of feelings such as depression and meaninglessness or that they get very angry and worked up about things that would not have disturbed them in the past.  Alternatively, those who do feel and express their pain but find it hard (or avoid) moving on can suffer a variety of equally difficult problems such as being overwhelmed, and may feel that life is unbearable and completely without hope or pleasure.  Negotiating both tasks is hard work and is something that normally requires support.  In grief, our feelings, both conscious and unconscious, naturally tend to drive things and so it’s not easy to have the strength to get through it all.

If family and friends assist with one task but can’t or won’t help with the other, it can be very confusing and painful for the bereaved person.  Working with a counsellor can help with this because they are trained to guide and support people getting through difficult circumstances like grief.  They can also help their clients in looking at the whole picture so that they may come through things as well as is possible.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross talked about the Five Stages of Grief, which are normally experienced by most people who grieve, though never in the same way.  They are – denial, depression, anger, bargaining and acceptance.  I have discussed these in a previous article here: http://davidseddon.blogspot.co.uk/2011/06/coping-with-bereavement.html

The exact circumstances of the loss can strongly affect the grieving – most deaths can create a feeling of unreality and disbelief, but a sudden death such as an accident will often cause even greater numbness and shock.  The age and sex of the bereaved person can make a big difference, too.  Some men may find grieving hard if they feel that they have to adopt a “male” stiff-upper lip or have been taught that “big boys don’t cry.”  In reality that is only likely to make things worse.  Trapped grief is much more problematic than expressed grief.  It tends to come out in more disruptive and life-restricting ways.

It is normal to be angry after a death – angry at yourself for  “not doing better whilst they were alive,” at the universe or God for allowing it, at health professionals for not doing better or at the deceased for going at the wrong time or for leaving important matters unresolved.  The Five Stages of Grief often occur in a different order and some may linger or return several times. No one story of grief is ever the same as another and each of us deals with it in our own way, though a counsellor understands the patterns, which can be a big comfort.

It’s common for people to have issues of control around grief.  For example, a grieving spouse may imagine that they need to maintain a brave face and be strong so as not to upset their children.  The problem is that it is a construction.  Underneath, the bereaved person may well be feeling desolate and vulnerable – and that can lead to feeling overwhelmed and to confusion, frustration, and feelings of powerlessness.  If grief is deliberately held back it can lead to a life of chronic sorrow.

Bereaved people often feel lonely, isolated or unheard and so there can also be social consequences for them.  For instance, a grieving spouse may feel that avenues that were open to them when they were part of a couple are now either closed or uncomfortable.  They may feel incapable of socialising or that people they know do not want to be reminded of their grief.
The death of our parents often creates an extra level of stress, in that we also have to face up to our own mortality.   Death can at least have one positive side effect – in time, it can encourage us to re-evaluate our life and make sure that we have fewer regrets.  When my father died, I became greatly aware of how my own time was hurrying past and how vital it was to fill it with meaning and good things. 

Coming Through Grief

If somebody’s resources to cope are at full stretch it’s a good idea for them to find help, whether that is with an understanding friend, a GP, a support group or a counsellor.  As well as being trained for working with grief, most counsellors will have spent time grieving for someone themselves and will have natural empathy for a bereaved person.

None of us ever completely gets over the loss of a loved one.  It is essential to allow plenty of time and space for grief.  The loss is always carried around with us, no matter how hardy and strong we are and no matter how much we process it.  Even so, although people never forget they do often come to an acceptance and rebuild their lives.  Happiness takes time to come again and it may be a while before there is the feeling that life can flourish - but life shows that this is often what people manage to do, especially if they work through their grief properly.
 
David is a fully qualified and BACP registered Counsellor.  If you need help with a bereavement or some other issue in your life, you can book a face to face or skype session with him by ringing 07578 100256 or emailing him at David@eastcheshirecounselling.com.  You can also follow him on Twitter as Contented Counsellor at: https://twitter.com/#!/SeddonDavid




Wednesday 17 October 2012

What is Existential Counselling and How can it Help?




Some people are put off by the term “Existential.”  It sounds difficult and deep doesn’t it?  Well, it isn’t really complicated, but it is certainly deep.  One way of explain it is to say that it’s about “exploring and embracing what it is to be human.”  A therapist does this by talking about your life is a realistic and philosophical way.  It’s also about becoming aware of things, mulling them over and then coming to peace and acceptance about them.  A lot of the problems of life are universal – for instance; loss, isolation, freedom vs responsibility, meaning.  Existential counselling is about engaging with those problems in a deep way - grappling with them and coming out stronger, wiser and more alive as a result.  

The present cult, fostered by books like The Secret, of “think-as-positively-as-you-can-and- wish-for-anything-and-it-will-be-yours,” is about as far removed from existential counselling as it’s possible to be. Postive thinking can be helpful with many things but has its natural human limits and there is more to living life than that.  Existential thinking says that there are no shallow answers and instead looks for deep ones – which paradoxically often end up being very simple to action.  It works very much hand in glove with other humanistic types of counselling – particularly person-centred.  Carl Rogers (the founder of person-centred counselling), declared himself to be an existentialist at heart.  His famous quote, “the good life is a process not a destination,” is essentially an existentialist notion; as is his idea that we are on a mission to find out who we are, so we can love and live by celebrating and being true to that.

Many of the ideas of existential counselling arise from the Ancient Greeks.  Ancient Greek philosophers spent time pondering life and generally become quite content with their lot as a result.  Existential thinking is partly about drawing the joyful and the positive from life at all times, whether it is easy of hard.  Contrary to the modern trend, it encourages us to embrace the learning points of failure as much as success, and to know that, as Kipling said, both are “imposters” anyway.  It asks us to accept that each of us is limited and has weakness and strengths, and that these very limitations are a source of celebration and richness. The Stepford Wives could not exist in a world focussed on existential thinking!

Existential Counselling is a huge area and I can only skim the surface here.  In my own counselling practise, I mix it with person-centred counselling when and where it is appropriate. To highlight some of the ways existential counselling can help people, I am going to give a few examples of the kind of thing that you might end up discussing in existential counselling:

“What is the point to my life?  Why do I bother?”  Well, on one level, why indeed.  The world will die one day just as we will and all the works of men and women will be up in smoke.  On the other hand, people do find meaning – one thinks of the existentialist writer Viktor Frankl who found it and prospered in even the most horrific circumstances imaginable (Auschwitz).  He focussed on what he could do rather than what he could not and found meaning in the struggle to live on and pass on his message.  

Zen Buddhism has many similarities to existentialism.  You make the decision to engage with each moment and find meaning through the simple and free things like love, creating art, friendship, simply surviving and overcoming in a harsh time.  Another way to live life fully and find meaning is to practise trying to live in the here and now as much as is possible.  One does look at the past and future during counselling but we can do that whilst insisting on the beauty of living in the present moment as much as is humanly possible.  As Blake suggests, “he who kisses the joy as it flies lives in eternity's sunrise.”

Here is another example of the simplicity, rather than the complexity of an existential approach. After he had conquered the known world, of all souls on earth, Alexander the Great was most keen to meet the philosopher Diogenes, who had  lived almost his entire life inside a barrel with no possessions.  He found Diogenes in his barrel under a tree: “I am the most powerful man on earth,” he said, “I can give you whatever you want.”  Diogenes simply said, “then please move a little to the side.  You have blocked out the sun and I do not want to be in the shade.”  Alexander laughed and said if he could swap places with any man it would be Diogenes.

We live in times when the world seems to be preoccupied with power, money, celebrity and possessions.  Existential counselling encourages us to drop all of that shallowness and see it as avoidance and denial of what is real and vital.  Instead we need to follow what really matters and find fulfilment in the short time that we have on this earth.  As Steve Jobs said: "remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. ... Stay hungry.  Stay foolish.”

The simple things are the most joyous.  Epicurus said, “riches do not exhilarate us so much with their possession as they torment us with their loss.” He believed that the greatest riches a man could have were true and honest friends.  

Along with other philosophers, he also suggested that rather than tie ourselves in knots about trying to make everything safe and permanent, we should realise that the one unending truth about life and the world is that it constantly changes.  John Lennon put this another way - “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” Epicurus urged us to embrace change and uncertainty and indeed suggested that without change life would not be anywhere near as interesting.  Again, that is pretty much in tune with zen-Buddhism.  This is not to say that we should continually take stupid risks or never find any firmness or safety.  Both Diogenes and Epicurus had basic comforts of a sort - friends for instance.  Like Buddhism, existentialist thinking argues that it’s fine to have some comforts but that it’s not a good idea to base your life around them or become unduly attached to them.

Freedom and responsibility are basically like yin and yang.  You cannot have one without the other, and too much of one and not enough of the other is bound to lead to problems.  Many affluent people today have too much freedom and not enough responsibility, but if it’s the other way around it can be equally damaging. The existentialist philosopher Kierkegaard argued that anxiety was “the dizziness of freedom.”  This makes sense.  We get most anxious about those things that we could choose not to do, but which are challenging – an exam, a driving test, a first date, making an important speech.  Kierkegaard’s answer was to say, “look, this is unavoidable.  It’s part of the human condition and what would you rather do, take the important action or shy away from it?”  Thinking like that offers us some comfort. 

Existentialist counselling works with isolation or loneliness partly in terms of empathy.  The counsellor would share just how alone he or she sometimes felt and how that was a universal feeling.  This is not to diminish the client’s feelings.  It is actually to say, “yes, I find that really hard, too.  Let’s share our thoughts and feelings and see what we can find to alleviate them.”   He would then go on to suggest ways of embracing this in a positive way – for instance finding out who we really are in solitude, or to using the energy to create art.

Summing up, existential counselling is about finding the richness and the energy in all aspect of life - whether it be the joyous, the typical or the difficult.  It’s also about becoming aware that the things that we really need to feel joy and meaning in this life are very often not the things we are told that we need.  Those who insist that life can be solely positive if we just keep thinking that it is often fall foul of the fact that they are relatively defenceless when things don’t go well.  Existentialism encourages us to find the meaning and engagement with every part of life or as the poet Edith Sitwell said, “nothing is lost and all in the end is harvest.”

 
David is a fully qualified and BACP registered Counsellor. If you would like to try some existential counselling, you can book a session with him by ringing 07578 100256 or emailing him at David@eastcheshirecounselling.com