A Dozen Tips for a Less Stressful Christmas

Depending on which survey you read, Christmas is always somewhere in the top 30 most stressful events of life – it’s often ranked as highly as sixth.  Unlike Christmas, many of the other events are infrequent for most of us (deaths, marriage, divorce, house moves etc). According to one survey, 86% of people say they find buying presents hard work and 65% find Christmas shopping stressful.  60% of people felt stressed by buying a gift for someone only to see how disappointed the receiver was.  However much fun it is, there is no doubt that Christmas is stressful – even for the kids!



So here are some tips for making it less stressful:

1.   Don’t Take Too  Much On

You are not superwoman (or man) and so if you’ve already agreed to host a party and go to a further 2, do you need to add to that?  Think of the stress and not just the potential fun.  There has to be some rest in this busy period.

2.   Plan Ahead with Presents

Buying presents over a few months can take away the stress of having to find them all at once and can also spread the financial burden.  It is nice to shop when the lights are in the shops and especially on Christmas Eve, if you can bear that, but maybe buy just a special present late – and be flexible.  It’s not wise to wait that long for something that’s likely to sell out.

3.   Buy Some Things Online

Checkout queues can be a really stressful thing.  You may even suffer trolley rage.  It is possible to order some food and drink for delivery to your house if you get in quickly enough.  The few pounds you have to pay for this is worth it for the loss of stress!  Many presents can also be bought online.  Do it early or you’ll worry about whether it will arrive in time or not.

4.   Don’t try to Make Everything Perfect

You are not responsible for everyone’s happiness.  It might be your job to cook the dinner and pick the presents, but if Aunt Flo is in an awful mood, or Grandma insists on watching 3 hours of continuous soaps and upsets everyone else, it’s not your fault.  You can help to set the atmosphere, but essentially people will make up their own minds whether they’re going to be in the festive spirit or not.  Which brings us nicely onto...

5.   Treating Alcohol Wisely/Going to Parties

Alcohol could be a friend or an enemy at Christmas depending how you treat it.  Christmas is so stressful that I like to have a small drink just as it’s about to swing into action.  This relaxes me and makes me feel jolly, helping to create a festive atmosphere.  Of course, this does mean just a tipple, as a drunken host or hostess is not a good idea.  If you’re cooking, get someone else to be responsible for drinks.  They should make sure everyone has what they want but doesn’t overdo it.

Since tensions can be high, it’s not a good idea to get sozzled enough that you tell your sister exactly what you really think of her children!  That will greatly increase your stress for a long time to come!  This is less likely if you stick to an amount of alcohol you know you can handle well.

Parties are a great time to let your hair down, but it’s a good idea to drink soft drinks interspersed with the booze during the night and some water before bed.  Overdoing it will often ruin what was otherwise a great night, so one way of dealing with that is to say, as I do, “I am going to drink only 4 pints tonight” (or whatever you know you can handle and not suffer the consequences).  If you plan it that way, then you will find you can stick to a sensible limit more easily.

6.   Dealing with The In-Laws

...Or as a friend of mine calls them, the Outlaws.  If you have wonderful ones then this is no problem at all - move on to the next item.  If yours are not, then, you may just have to steal yourself and accept that it’s going to be a strain.  Knowing what has made it easier in the past can help, as can the notion that you can take 10 minutes out from time to time – agree this with your partner beforehand and work together as a team.

7.   Simplicity

Although there are certain things you cannot avoid putting extra effort into at Christmas there may be others that are so stressful that they are not worth the payback.  It is not necessary to prepare every meal as a gourmet feast or to put up so many decorations that your house can be seen from space.  Even the kids will appreciate doing something more low key for some of the holiday.  If they don’t chill out at some point, there will be tantrums.  Sometimes, less is more.

8.   Charity

Helping others to enjoy their Christmas can greatly help us to enjoy our own and make us feel connected to the wider world.  One way we can feel we have done something really useful as opposed to simply having over-indulged is to give something to a charity at this time of year – whether it be with money or with time.  Don’t get stressed about giving.  Just give what you feel is reasonable for you.

9.   Being Prepared with Christmas Cards

I have got into the habit of starting mine in the last week of November.  I don’t send them out at that point, but I do have them stamped up and ready to go.  I find if I do 5 or 6 cards a night for a couple of weeks, it makes life a whole lot easier.  You can do this in front of the tv, so it’s really not much effort this way.

It’s also useful to have a Christmas card list.  I keep a note of who I send to and who sends to me every year.  Except for very special reasons, if someone doesn’t send me a card three years in a row, I don’t send them one next time.  Why feel obliged to people who aren’t bothered?  Christmas can be a good time to accept that some people go out of your life.  It may be sad, but it’s a part of everyone’s life, and can be stress reducing to realise that you don’t have to hold on to people you met five years ago on holiday or you lived next door to twenty years ago.

10.     Relaxation and Time-Out

It is important to have something planned that is stress free around Christmas.  Many people book a massage or spa session either just before or just after (or both if you have the time and money).  This can de-stress you at a vital time.  A round of golf or playing some other sport can also do this –if it’s not too cold!

Counsellors often have very busy January’s when new clients want to unload their stresses.  It can be good to unburden this to an empathic ear.

11.     Go For a Walk

I often go for a walk on either Christmas Day or Boxing Day, and also on New Year’s Day.  This can be a blessed relief from tv, relatives, broken toys and over-indulged stomachs.  Getting out in nature, especially if there is festive weather can really help to lower stress levels.

12.    Keeping the Faith or at Least Having a Spiritual Moment

If you are a religious person it can be the highlight of Christmas to go a Carol Service, and even if you’re not it can be lovely just to stop and listen to the Salvation Army play some carols.  Don’t walk past, however busy you are!  Stop, throw some money in the box and enjoy a bit of the more spiritual side of Christmas.  Take ten minutes out from the manic shopping and lower the pace of the day and your pulse.
Remembering that Christmas is a happy occasion of celebration and peace towards others helps put the stressful parts into some perspective and keeps our thoughts balanced.

David is a fully qualified and BACP registered Person Centred Counsellor.  You can book a session with him by ringing 07578 100256 or emailing him at David@eastcheshirecounselling.com

Ten Steps To a Happier Life

1.           Decide to be Happy (and Value Contentment)

Yes it really is a simple as that.  If we channel our energy in ways that make us feel good then we are more likely to feel good.

This is not to say that we can always do this or that life will be easy.  We know that it is not, but if we focus more on the good than the bad even in the hardest times then life can take a on a much better perspective.

The writer and Buddhist monk Mathieu Ricard was measured, by brain scanning over a period of time, as being the happiest man alive and he put this down mainly to channelling his thoughts towards positive things and feeling content with what he had.

Contentment is a much more lasting feeling than pleasure or even happiness.  To feel contentment is not the same as to resign ourselves to something.  Essentially, if we are content, we are thankful for what we do have, realising that it is good.

2.           Follow Your Interests

If you are immersed in an activity that you are passionate about then you are likely to feel happier. Having a keen interest in something or a hobby is an excellent thing for out emotional health, but if we ignore it, this can cause us to feel less than our true selves.

So if you are a keen dancer, make sure that you dance often, if you like to draw or write or play or listen to music, then make sure that you find time for this on a regular basis.

If you have no hobbies, then it is time to find some!  Everyone has interests which they have put off or no longer follow.  Is it time to have another go?

3.           Be Fit and Healthy

A healthy body and a healthy mind really do go together. This does not mean that we need to over exercise.  Friends of mine who are doctors tell me that, second to stress related issues, the main problem their patients have is injury as a result of over exercise over a number of years.  Gentle is best - something that supports the body.  Swimming, walking, cycling and dancing are amongst the best forms of exercise in that, if they are done wisely, they give our muscles a good work out with less chance of wearing them out.  I would add that it is vital that you enjoy your exercise.  If you enjoy a walk in the country but hate rowing machines, then the choice of which to do ought to be obvious.

Allied to this is the need to eat healthily and keep a balanced diet.  A little of what you fancy is good, but this needs to kept to reasonable levels.

4.           Find Spiritual Connection and Peace

We live in an increasingly material world, but this does not mean we should ignore the spirit.  Neither does it necessarily mean that we need to follow a religion – although studies have shown that people who have faith are generally happier.

Spirituality is about feeling connected to other things on a very deep level.  This might be other people, nature and indeed yourself.

Spending time alone either quietly or with calming music, and even meditating can bring us a sense of spiritual peace.  Simply concentrating on our breathing can be deeply relaxing and can connect us to the world around us.  Again, studies have shown that people who enjoy being on their own as well as in company are generally happier.

5.           Help Others

Most of us know that there is more pleasure in giving than there is in receiving, yet because we live in a world where we have adverts thrust at us constantly asking us to consume more, it is sometimes hard to focus on this.  Allied to that, is the narcissism (self obsession) that Western society encourages. 

Of course, giving at its best is not about giving money or items, it’s about giving our time and love.  People who focus on others rather than themselves are generally happier – though of course, there is a balance and we need to love ourselves too!  The good news is that in practise loving others is a great way for us to come to love ourselves.

6.           Get in Touch With Your Inner Child

Question that voice within you that says “you can’t!”  Depending on what you’re planning to do, it may be right or wrong.  But if you’re wanting to have some harmless fun and it’s telling you “no,” then it’s time to tell it to be quiet.

On average children smile 400 times a day and adults only 15.  Have you ever asked why?  It’s not all down to adults having responsibility, it’s down to attitude too.

It’s important to let our hair down and even be silly once in a while.  It’s good for the spirit - so go ahead, roll down that hill or have a water pistol or pillow fight – it’s good to have fun and it releases lots of endorphins.

7.           Cultivate Awareness

This is valuable at all times.  How many of us spend our life worrying about the future our dwelling in something that’s in the past?  Whilst it’s good to let out sadness about past events, we also have to move on.  There is never really any past or future to grab a hold of.  There is only the now.  Once we realise this and try to be aware of it, we begin see just how wonderful life can be.

I often walk in the woods.  It is very easy to ignore what is there in nature as I do, but when I focus on each moment and allow myself to fully experience through the five senses, it is very joyous.  When we feel joy we should accept it and not push it away – unfortunately many people do just that.

8.           Have Courage and Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

First of all it is important to state that courage is not the same as rashness.  I do not advocate that anyone does anything dangerous, unhealthy, wilfully destructive or hurtful, nor that anyone change every part of their life.  However, we are all sometimes guilty of getting into a rut or staying in a safe zone and not trying to extend ourselves.  Yet to stay the same is to cease to grow.  There is a balance to be struck, but often the line drawn is too heavily in favour of the status quo.  It is often good to try new things. 

The most common complaint of people on their death bed is that they didn’t do enough of what they really wanted to do because they thought they had to live the life that others expected of them...don’t let that be you!

9.           Enjoy your Work But Keep it in Balance

It may well be that you are in a job that you do not like.  You might have to accept this for a while, but it will make you very unhappy if you do not work towards changing it in the longer term.  We spend such a lot of time at work that it is better to earn less and to like or even love what we do than to earn a fortune and hate it.  If you think that is wrong, consider these two things: you can’t take your money with you when you die, the happiest people are often the poorest.

That is not to say that money is a bad thing, but it is to say that we should work to live and not live to work.  Never let your work become your life, but certainly aim to make it something you look forward to if you can.

10.        Cultivate Acceptance

This is the most important thing of all.  Fighting what we can’t change or trying to suppress, deny, run away from or distract ourselves from vital and strong feelings is really not to live at all.  Even if the feelings are bad ones, to accept that they will not change in the short term is to empower ourselves and to give them less power over us.  Similarly, when something is difficult or painful it is good to be able to ask whether it can be changed.  It is very liberating to accept events and feelings within ourselves that we simply cannot change at that point, and then to ask if we can improve things in the longer term - and if we cannot, then to accept that too rather than fight it.  Counselling sessions can help greatly with this.

We all of us have limitations.   It is not only fruitless, but also self-defeating to ignore that.  If we accept that we will never be able to do certain things, then we take control of our lives and focus on what we can do.

 

David is a fully qualified and BACP registered Person Centred Counsellor.  You can book a session with him by ringing 01509 556623 or emailing him at David@loughboroughcounselling.com